Dream Jobs (seemingly unattainable)

1. Musical Director? Music Arranger?- I'm really not sure what the exact job title is, but I want a job picking the music for films and arranging them to the scenes. Music makes all the difference. Music determines if a films going to be great, good, or just plain bad. I mean I really dream about this job. I'll hear a song and I already see it in in a scene of a movie that doesn't exist. Which leads me to another dream job that I want, film writer/Director. I asked someone who worked in the film industry how would I go about trying to obtain a job like this(Musical Director) and they simply told me without any hesitation,"Dick sucking. Lot's of dick sucking."

2. Film writer/Director.

3. Novelist.

4.Ballet Dancer- Now I know that this will never happen. But remember, this is a list of dream jobs. My obsession for ballet started as a child. My class went on a field trip to see The Nutcracker. It changed my life. As soon as I got home I begged and begged my mom to let me take ballet lessons, but she would always say, "we'll see" which meant "No." So I went to the Library and checked out as many books that I could find on ballet and tried to teach myself. I didn't get very far. So yes, I would love the job of playing the character of Clara from The Nutcracker. Hey, A girl can dream, right?

5. Private Detective- I love solving mysteries.

6. Ghost Hunter- I never believed in ghosts until I lived in an upstairs apartment of an old Victorian mansion that was built in the late 1800's. It was so big, and the entire top floor was mine, and for only $325 a month. It was too good to be true. The very first night I lived there I woke up to what sounded like a young woman saying "Hey get up". The next day I felt very uneasy and nervous like someone was watching me. Never the less I didn't let the strange feeling override my the feeling of complete freedom from finally living alone. But no I was not alone. I actually had a room mate, the worst kind, a dead roommate. Bwahaa ha ha. On my second night while falling asleep I heard the same woman's voice say something inaudible. I open my eyes and I shit you not I see a white ball of light maybe the size of a basketball float across my room to the foot of my bed, and because I'm a flight not fight kinda person I jumped up to run, and as I jumped up the light zipped back into the hall. I just realized that this story could be little long winded so I'm going to shorten the details. Anytime I had a friend of the male variety over to hang out they would always feel someone poking them in the back. One time one of my friends came over and said that while he was walking down the long hall that led to the balcony he felt someone rubbing his lower back. A month goes and I finally see my landlord who lives downstairs and he asked how I liked my place. I said nervously I had some bizarre things happening. He said, "Oh, you've met her!" I say, "who?" And he said, "your roommate, Elizabeth. Sorry I didn't tell you about her. she's our house ghost but she mainly inhabits upstairs." He began telling me the story of her life. In 1890 a wealthy merchant man moved his family to Chattanooga and had the house built for him, his wife, and his twin daughters. In 1910 one of the daughters(Mary Elizabeth) hung herself from the top floor balcony from a jilted love. To make a long story short I only stayed 3 months. It got pretty bad. The last straw was one night my father came to visit. I never told him about the ghost. I guess I thought out of mind out of sight, the less I thought or talked about her the less she would make her presence noticed. My father and I were watching a movie in my living room when all of a sudden my friends guitar that they had left at my house started rocking back and forth. violently. My dad jumps up panicky turns the light on and yells "what was that?" It was then that it stopped rocking. I laughed, and told him that my house was haunted and nothing else was said on the matter. I ended up falling asleep on one of the couches and I guess while I was asleep, the shit went down with my dad. He told me what happened the next morning. He said that the room got very cold, and then he saw some gray black-ish mass in the corner of the room and he said he heard something start dragging down the hall. And then it stopped. That's when he saw her. He said she stood in the hallway right outside of the living room door. she was wearing a white period piece slip and had on tall black boots and she was holding a rope. He said she had long brown hair, brown eyes and bushy eyebrows and she just starred at him, but here's the crazy part, he said while she starred at him he knew exactly why she died and how. and that she was mad because she didn't want me to leave. What the fuck! He told me I had to move and 3 days later he and some of my friends were at my house packing up all my belongings. we all started feeling really sick and decided to leave for a while and come back and finish. Well, when we got back all the boxes in the kitchen were unpacked and there was a pile of boxes blocking the doorway to rest of the apartment. There's a lot more to this story but I will leave it at this. It's easier for me to tell this story rather than write about it. It sounds crazy I know, but I swear it's all true. After this I became interested on what makes people stick around after they die.

7. A photographer for National Geographic.

8. Archaeologist.

Analyze This

My dream last night went something like this... I walk up to a what appears to be a shop in some depressing run down empty strip mall. I open the door and there's a fold out table in the middle of a small room with 3 people sitting, looking as if they were happy to see me. The room was decorated like a dentist office on a budget. Grey office carpet with stains that could only be from nerve induced vomit or blood stains from some old man whose blood filled gauze dripped from the receptionist desk to the front door, some bad framed posters of hot air balloons, and a dusty fake plastic ficus tree. You get the picture. I go and sit down next to this stranger and she says,"OK guys are you ready?" And then all of sudden the room shoots into space and we're all laughing and screaming with joy. Next thing I know there's no gravity and we're all floating around in space on our metal folding chairs. Then all of sudden we are back in the office sitting around the table. We all get up and say we'll meet again next week. The next week I go back all excited and no one is there. I get depressed and start walking around a city and find a empty bar. I go in and sit down at a table and start dyeing Easter eggs. Cuckoo Cuckoo!
There, you have my fucked up dream. I would give anything to have it again. Have you ever been to outer space? I have. It was amazing.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

Shalom!

I would love to know why it is that who I am sexually attracted to in real life is not at all who my subconscious is attracted to in sleep. I mean I've lusted a few times over Clive Owen, Gael Garcia Bernal, James Mcavoy... but no, not in my sleep. My first sexual dream that I can remember was with Billy Crystal. That's right, I said Billy Crystal. He was wearing a red plaid flannel shirt tucked tightly into his snug stonewashed jeans. I walked into this cabin looking house and there was taxidermy on the wall and a roaring fire and Billy Crystal standing in the middle of the room. And the dream went something like this, I jumped up into his arms wrapped my legs around his waist and we kissed passionately I mean it was a deep kiss, while he kept squeezing and running his hands allover my ass. Next thing I know I'm waking up having an orgasm. I was only 15 when I had this dream. I know! It's horrible!!! My next famous person sex dream was with Woody Allen. Basically the same thing, different scenario. Well last night I had another sex dream but this was with some no namer, just someone my brain made up while I slept unsuspecting. He was short, and he had dark eyes, black hair, and I'm pretty sure he was Jewish. And let me tell you it was a good dream. I think what my Subconscious is trying to tell me is that I am sexually attracted to short Jewish men. La'Chayim!

What took me so long?

Many years ago I would have turned my nose from listening to Ben folds. But last night I was browsing some photography blogs that I love, and I heard this song. I didn't know who it was I was listening to. So I searched the words on google, and I couldn't believe it, It was Ben Folds. It may be an old song but I have found a new respect for Ben folds, and he has I'm sure found a new fan. What has happened to me? It's so Beautiful, it's killing me.

Last night while I was digging around in my closet I noticed my mom's guitar tucked away in the blackness of the abyss I call my closet. I pulled it out and and tried to play but I couldn't, I haven't played a guitar in 12 years and even then I wouldn't have called it "playing", but more like learning. I think I have a learning disability when it comes to guitars and I think it's partly due to the fact that my pinkie and ring finger can't seem to work independently. Which leads me to the jealousy I feel for almost everyone in my family. Everyone can play at least one instrument with the exception of me and Josh(brother). My mother plays guitar, piano and sings. My dad plays drums. My grandpa plays mandolin, guitar, banjo, piano. He even cut a record back in the early 50's. My cousin Adam plays oboe, pipe organ, and piano. My other cousin Jess, she plays banjo and guitar. Every single one of them play by ear. Curses! I guess it just wasn't meant to be for me. But that wont keep from trying. The guitar is missing two strings, so tomorrow I'm going to find some, tune it, pick a song, learn it, and then post a video blog of me playing. Any requests?

Just Swell

Thought I would post one more today before I motor. I dare you to watch this video and feel melancholy. I think I've listened to this 5 times today.

Matt and Kim-Daylight

Moving Pictures

I need to get busy on my movie watching before the Oscars. I only have a little over 3 weeks to cram in all the nominated movies.(excluding short films and documentary short subjects.) Here's a list of 2008 movies that I've watched.

1. Be Kind Rewind. I love me some Michel Gondry.
2. Let the Right One In. If you haven't seen this, Stop what your doing and go watch.
3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This movie was probably my favorite movie of 2008. It was like watching a 3 hour poem. Although I thought the CGI was a little rough. And why did they use a different actor when he became a child, they should of just used some of that CGI magic.
4.Slumdog Millionaire
5.Vicki Christina Barcelona. Oh Woody you never do me wrong except for that time you made that one film. What was it called? Oh yes, Curse of the Jade Scorpion. But we all can't be perfect all of the time.
6.Pineapple Express. This movie hands down has one the funniest endings of a movie that I've ever seen.
7.The Wrestler
8.Wanted
9.Ghost Town
10.The Dark Knight
11.Indiana Jones
12.W
13.Tropic Thunder
14.Forgetting Sarah Marshall
15.WALL-E
16.Kung Fu Panda
17.Bolt
18.Eagle Vs. Shark
19.Funny Games
20.The Orphanage
21.Step Brothers
22.Foot Fist Way
23.Horton Hears a Who

so how am I going to watch all the remaining movies that are up for nomination. I still have to watch...
1.Frost/Nixson
2.Rachel Getting married.(downloading)
3.The Reader.(downloading)
4.Doubt.
5.Milk. I'm mad at myself for not seeing this already.
6.Revolutionary road.(downloading)
7.Changeling.
8.The Visitor.
9.The Duchess.
10.Australia. I don't think I can really do this film.
11.Iron Man.
12.Frozen River.
13.Bruges.
14. Gran Torino. Actually I'm not sure if this ones even up for anything.

This will be a challenge. There are however a couple other films from 2008 that aren't up for nomination that I want to see.
1. Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist.
2. Zach and Miri Make a Porno.
3. Choke.
4. Paranoid Park.
5. The Love Guru. I kid.

I had a dream once.

But it just got me in a lot of trouble. It was my freshman year of high school. I was waiting outside of my parents house for my boyfriend to pick me up for school. I was stressed out about getting another tardy since I seemed to accumulated a lot of them after I met Mike and he became my form of transportation instead of the ol' faithful school bus. Finally I heard the busted muffler coming around the corner. I get into his beat up Nissan 300zx. He pops in a cassette tape of John Lennon's Imagine and informs me we are going to celebrate MLK day the right way. He had a copy of the I have a dream speech, and told me we were going to make 200 copies of the speech and go to the whitest parts of town and drop the speech into peoples mail boxes hoping that they would read his speech and surly if they even had one racist bone in there body it magically disappear. This is what we did. We were sure that it would make a difference. Maybe it did. We skipped the whole day of school and when I got home I was grounded. Me telling my parents that I had dream did not get me out of this one.

A man once said...

Hail Satan?

That's it! I'm changing my blog name. It has come to my attention on more than one occasion that the title of my blog reads a little too churchy. Truth is I am not very good with titles, and Listina's CHRists sounded better than Christina's Lists. What do I know, like I said I suck at the whole title thing. So, if anyone has any suggestions feel free to share. I was thinking maybe, Word Of Life.

Thought I should write one last post before the new year. Wow! 34 posts in one year. Is that some kind of record? I guess I should make it my new years resolution to post more on here, along with get my house sold, get in shape, Find a job in Tennessee after getting my house sold, and cut back on my consumption of wine now that the holidays are over. Speaking of holidays, here's a list of some of the loot I received this year.
1.A camera and an unbelievably warm coat to wear while taking pictures of the miserably cold weather the Midwest has to offer. Reason #751 why I'm moving back to the south. 2. I've been wanting this book for along time. So much so that I got a copy from 2 different people. The book contains some real photos of real people in 1950's America taken by Swedish photographer Robert Frank. Introduction written by none other than Jack Kerouac. I mean who better to introduce a book on photographs of Americans. I was pleasantly surprised to see a picture taken in Chattanooga (my home town). Such good stuff. 3. this great reprodtion of a 1930's phone. It's ring if even for second makes you feel like your getting a phone call from the past.


4. Walle loves Eve-ah! I loved this movie, and I love these toys. They enteract with each other. Makes you believe in love at first sight.

5. Rock Band 2. Good fun. I tried it live and the only person I could find to play with was a 7 year old indian boy. I destroyed him. Rock On!

Oh say can you see?

Things I saw last weekend.

A strange parade in my town.
I'm really not sure what this float is representing. Dog food? Elvis? Rocking chair? That tire mascot? Dear god what is this?


This "float" is helping us keep the spirit of John Wayne Gacy alive.


Nazi Youth.


You can't have a parade without break dancing.


And then there was this guy.



A carnival in my town.


Obama's speech in Kansas City that I didn't hear or see. But I did see...

The "special" people. And by special I mean not very smart. And by not very smart I mean low IQ. And by low IQ I mean crazy christian conservative republicans.


A sea of people standing underneath a phalic shaped monument to WWI.


Anna and Elliot hugging.



Went to a farm to pick pumpkins and apples and instead we found...







Last but not least here is a photo of a weird cake I won in a forced cake walk. It had grave yard stlye roses stuck into the top with little water containers stuck at the end of each rose and a pink balloon attached.

A Mona Lisa's Smile

and Tracy says,"you have to have a little faith in people." That one little line of dialogue says it all. And you get this smile. This perfect smile.

What are you going to be?

I'm so excited it's officially Halloween time. But I don't know what my costume should be this year. Last years was pathetic. I threw on some mask that I found in my closet and went to a Halloween party. Well, I'm going to the same party this year and I need a great costume. If you have any ideas, throw them my way.

Scenes from last halloween.

The Best Albums Of 2008 (so far...)

I'll have to admit that it's been kind of a disapointing year for good new music. But there have been a few that I have taken a liken to. So here's a list of my top 6 albums of 2008.

1.The Racontuers, "Consoler's of the Lonely"


2.Portishead, "Third"

This song is just magic.

3.Kings of Leon, "Only by the Night"


4.Vampire Weekend, "Vampire Weekend"


5. Sigur Ros, "Með suð í eyrum við spilum endalaust"


6.Dr. Dog, "Fate"


So there's my list. It's not finished. Neither is 2008.

Up In Smoke

Well hello... I'm thinking I should start each new post with why it's been so long since my last post. I have been slacking. Not much inspiration these days. My life just seems to be one bad country song. I mean a really fucked up country song.
But leave it to my father calling me to give me some inspiration.
I got the call from him this morning. He was all excited. Turns out he got tickets to go see Cheech and Chong tonight in Atlanta. Now to my father this a dream come true. My Dad is an advocate for the legalization of marijuana(never new this till I was in my early 20's) The man is on a mission.
Clue's I should of picked up on that he was probably high throughout my childhood,

1. I had horrible earaches as a child and he would lay my head on his lap and blow smoke in my ear which would always make the pain go away and make me sleepy. e.g. He did not smoke cigarettes when I was a child.
2. I remember when I was 4 or 5 years old always seeing what I thought were grape stems in the ashtray on the coffee table. But when I would search the fridge for grapes, none were found. The stems were never discovered again after I asked why I couldn't have grapes, too.
3. I was 10 years old and we were driving across Louisiana headed for Texas. It was late at night and my father was driving. We were all sleeping. When all of the sudden My dad screams like women in a horror flick and slams on the brakes. We nearly went off into alligator infested swamp water. My dad was hyperventilating as he started telling my mom he saw some black hairy shiny 8 ft. tall Bigfoot creature running across the road. Now he was probably smoking while we slept unsuspecting. Or it could be flashbacks from all the peyote he ate as a young man.
4. He asked to borrow my video camera one time and kept it for a couple days and then returned it with the tape still in. I went to rewind it and play back what he recorded. and discovered a reenactment of Cheech and Chong's Dave's not Home and Vietnam. He was by him self and laughing really hard.
5. He took me to my first movie which was Up In Smoke!!!

I always get tear filled phone calls from him when he sees or reads anything on the legalization of. It's very funny actually, you wouldn't know this about him in first meeting. But if you happen to walk into my old bedroom of my parents home you will see that he is trying to perfect the perfect bud. When ever I go back home and visit I have to sleep in that room. It's actually quite nice, I have a path that leads to my bed through a deep tall forest of green. The only thing that's not so nice is that he comes stumbling into my room at 5 in the morning turning on huge heat lamps forgetting I'm in there.Now that he has grand kids when we come visit they are all carefully transported to the garage(the plants). I don't smoke, but when I go home I sneak off with my dad. It's only out of respect. So back to Cheech and Chong, I wish I could go see them with him. The very first movie I ever saw as a child was Up in smoke. My dad actually took me to see this at age 2. I remember the whole event. I think he underestimated my 2 year old brain's ability for memory.

It's Labor Day.

You must often make erasures if you mean to write what is worthy of being read a second time; and don't labor for the admiration of the crowd, but be content with a few choice readers.
-Horace

The Fountain of Youth

Mind your manners.

Today I drove by this house on my way to work that had a tiny handwritten sign that was taped to the very bottom of a mailbox post, halfway covered up by tall grass, the sign read "HUGE YARD SALE" Sweet! A yard sale on a Thursday and no one can know this exist because of the camouflaged sign. Well, when I pulled up I was pleasantly surprised by the Jazz albums they had for only .50 cents a pop. I snatched up a few. And then I found some other cool things that I know I can get a small fortune for on eBay. But one thing I'm keeping(besides the albums) is this little black Vest Pocket Handbook of Etiquette I found. It was written in 1956. And boy have times changed. I'll try and post an Etiquette at least once a week. Such good stuff.

Here's an example of Etiquette from the 50's.

Men's Manners toward Women. a. Offering Her A Cigarette. If you take one yourself, always offer one to any woman you're talking to. If the lady says just "No, thank you," or "Not now, thank you," you must offer them again every time you light one yourself. If she settles the matter by saying, "I don't smoke, thank you," you take her at her word, and don't offer them again. There's no need to get up and run across the room to light her cigarette, but if your close enough you always do. You always light her cigarette when your sitting at the same table or on the same couch, or when you both take cigarettes at once. If you're very thoughtful, you'll carry matches even if you don't smoke.

Band's I've seen.

It just occurred to me today that I haven't gone to a show in 3 years. Now I know this is partly because I have 2 kids and I'm too busy putting on concerts (or vice versa) for them to actually attend one myself. And partly because I haven't really been excited about bands that have played around here recently. So now I'm going to attempt to remember and list all the bands I've seen.

1.Dead Milkmen- Atlanta
2.Julio Iglesias- Chatt. (took my Grandmother. She sat up 2 lawn chairs in the front row. The worst. But it made her happy.)
3.Belle and Sebastian- Lawrence (A dream come true.)
4.Brendon Benson- Lawrence
5.Ben Kweller- Lawrence
6.Rasputina- Lawrence
7.Radiohead- New york City
8.Radiohead- St. Louis
9.White Stripes- Kansas City
10.Elliott Smith- New York City
11.Blur- NYC
12.Beastie Boys- NYC
13.Guided By Voices- KC
14.Anniversary- KC
15.David Bowie- KC
16.Steven Maulkimus and the Jiks- KC
17.Stereophonics- KC
18.The Strokes- KC
19.The Ravonettes- KC
20.Interpol- KC
21.Calla- KC
22.Wax Wings- Lawrence
23.Yo La Tengo- Lawrence
24.Mars Volta- Lawrence
25.Saul Williams- Lawrence
26.Grandaddy- Lawrence
27.Starlight Mints- Lawrence
28.And you'll know us by the trail of dead- Lawrence(for whomever reads this, Please, Please, if you ever get the chance to see this band live, go. It will change your life. I promise)
29.And You'll Know Us By The Trail Of Dead- KC
30.Secret Machines- KC
31.Explosions in the Sky- Lawrence
32.Pernice Brothers- Lawrence
33.Pete Yorn- Lawrence
Now I know there are more bands I've seen, but that will be another list titled, Bands I've Seen That I Should Be Too Embarrassed To List.

St. Pete.

"It is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea---whether it is to sail or to watch it---we are going back from whence we came."

- John F. Kennedy

Britain Invades!!

To all who have missed me lately(1 person, maybe 2), I am back. It has come to my attention that it's been 6 weeks since my last blog. I've thought about blogging everyday. I had such juicy bits to write about but I was being stalked and probably still am by a young, creepy, weaselly, not mentally or emotional stable man, named Britain. A couple of months ago I was at my store checking out my fave blogs when I felt the presence of someone walk into the office. I didn't turn around. Then I hear the voice of Britain being nosey as usual say, "What are you reading?" I said, "none of your business" and then he began reading aloud the title of the blog I was reading and he says "interesting" and left. To make a long story short he went and searched for the blog I was reading. Found it and then I'm sure he had to go way back and read every comment till he found one that I left on this person page and that's how he found my blog. He alerted me that he bookmarked it. Now he's going to know everything about me. So I'm hoping that enough time has gone by and he's giving up hope of me ever blogging again. we'll see.

Confessions.

I'm about to confess something so embarrassing. This is going to be hard for me. OK here goes. I would consider myself someone that's obsessed with music. Good music. I'm a bit of a snob when it comes to the subject. But I have a secret. I have a soft spot, I mean a super soft spot for some bad music. I blame this on my parents. When I was a wee child they were always listening to music, but not good music. Their LP collection consisted of Bread, Abba, John Denver(which I love), Barry Manilow... Just bad, bad, bad. So today I walked into a newly discovered used bookstore. Ready to find Chuck Palahniuk's new book Snuff, I walked by a sea of vinyl. I had to stop and take look and the first album I see is Abba. I Flip it over and just wish that I could pull of their 70's Swedish spandex karate suit wearing style. Second album I see is Bread. Ooh the melodic hypnotizing words of Everything I Own. I don't actually pick them up. I get nervous look around to make sure no ones looking. Then I noticed a Burt Bacharach album. I looked around again and quickly picked them all up along with Journey and Boston. And then headed off to find Snuff. Walked to front layed my goods down hoping that the cashier wasn't nosey and want to chat about my selections. So there's my confession. I should be ashamed.

Today's random thoughts.

1. When should I start using anti-wrinkle products? I guess since I'm turning 32 next Tuesday, maybe I should start looking into that. I think I'll just stick to sunscreen.

2. I wonder if sex would suck on memory foam. It seems like it would.

3. Yes!! Tom Petty on the radio. I need to download some Tom Petty, but I always forget.

4. Oh god who does that elderly lady think she is yelling at what appears to be her elderly husband. Why is head hanging down while she rips him a new one. She needs to stop. It feels like I'm watching two kids. The old lady being the bully kid and the old man being the bullied kid. I just want to run over there and save that old man from his wife.

5.I can't believe I didn't know that Francis Ford Coppola was going to make an adaptation of Jack Kerouac's On The Road. who would play Jack. He's going to fuck it up. I just know it.

Counting down the days till Bush/Cheney are out.

Lucky Me.

As a child I was amazed at my mothers ability to find 4 leaf clovers. I remember always trying to find them and never finding even one. Well today I not only found one, but 12. I could not believe it. I was playing outside with my kids and I looked down and saw a huge patch of clovers and instantly saw one, then two, then three... I Found twelve!!!!! I was so excited. Who finds 12 four leaf clovers? Me. Now I never thought I was a superstitious person, I mean I should be, I was raised by the most superstitious man I know. I mean my dad would never let me kill a spider in the house because it would bring bad luck. Nor could you kill a cricket. Most of his superstitions he would make up which makes me think he's suffering from a bad case of OCD. For example, he kept a knife in his bedroom window with the blade facing out. I would always turn it around just to see how long it would take him to turn it back. He has a black button up shirt that he wears every time he goes to the doctor. He wont wear any other shirt. He says that he wears it because the first time he wore it his physical went great, so it had to be the shirt. He's been wearing the same black shirt for 15 years. When he leaves the house he puts a nickel in his left pocket and a dime and a quarter in his right pocket. There are too many of my fathers superstitions to list. You would think that I would be superstitious, well I'm not or I should say wasn't. After finding the clovers I went and bought a scratcher(which I never do) and won 50 bucks. Then I went to a thrift store and found an awesome pull down world map. You know like the ones that you find in classrooms. I've always wanted one. As I was turning the corner to purchase my new found treasure that's when I found the Underwood. Gleaming with all its history. I swear I could of screamed tears of joy when I saw it. There was some little boy abusing the hell out of it typing away. I stood over the little boy anxious every time he pounded the keys. I thought where's his mother? Does she see what he doing? He's abusing it. He finally got up to go look at a bin filled with misc. McDonald's toys, dirty stuffed animals, and dolls with there heads ripped off. Finally I carefully picked it up, look to see what damage was done, and then took it up to the counter and paid for it. I can't believe I found an antique Underwood typewriter. I mean it looks like the type Jack Kerouac used. Maybe I'll channel him when I write my first book on it.

figuring out how to get the ribbon to work.


Got it working!



Starting my masterpiece.

A man that I would... If I could.

Aviophobia.

I have to fly in 2 weeks and I'm scared. I'm not sure where my fear of flying came from because when I was little I would fly back to the states from Germany twice a year for 5 years and I loved it. Oh wait! I remember where my fear came from. It was February 12, 2005. I was flying back home from Las Vegas and when I was 3 months pregnant, And the plane went through some pretty nasty turbulence that lasted about 2hours. It got so violent that the flight attendant that was sitting in eye view from me was crying and praying. The lady next to me was holding my hand and she told me she flew up to three times a week and had never experienced anything like it. Well needless to say I told myself I would never fly again. But of course I've flown 4 times since and every time I get religious and try to make a pact with god not to let me die. Speaking of death, I thought I would make a list of my Near Deaths in no particular order.


1. I was 2 years old and we lived in an apt above a restaurant in a village right outside Crailsheim Germany. I don't really remember what happened, but my folks tell me that I climbed into bed with them(which I never did), and about an hour later we woke up to smoke and my bedroom was in flames. My toy box caught on fire which was right next to my bed. An old fan without a guard had fallen from the window into my toy box and that's what did it. If I hadn't gotten out of bed and crawled in with my parents I would probably be dead.

2. I was 18 and I decided to hike up to a blue hole to go swimming. I first had to cross a river by foot which is harder that it looks. Then I had to scale some large sloping rocks in my wet skirt and wet slippery sandals. I finally got to the last part of the trail where I had to jump from one huge rock to the another slightly taller rock. I knew I could land it if I hadn't been wearing the wet sandals, but of course I tried anyways and lost my grip and my boyfriend grabbed my hand and held on. It was just like a scene from a movie. I looked down and it was about a twenty five foot fall onto a splintered tree and some other pointy rocks. Well my hand slipped out of his and I fell. I just remembered thinking it was going to hurt, and it did. I missed the tree by about 2 feet and I just lay there crying. I couldn't believe I was alive and not paralyzed. My boyfriend slid down the other side of the boulder and told me not to move. He told me some joke about hair lips and wood eyes to make me laugh. I finally got up. Not even a bruise.

3.I was 20 years old and went on a road trip with 3 friends that I thought would last a summer and ended up lasting almost a year. Towards the end of our adventure we all had run out of money and things to pawn, we ended up staying with the dead beat father of one of the guys I was traveling with who lived on an ostrich farm outside of Houston. One night we took his dad's truck out, Steve drove and I got in the back with the other 2 and off we went down some dark, hot, lonely Texas road. I would say we were going about 40 mph when all of a sudden Steve slammed on the brakes to miss an animal and out I flew out. I never hit my head on the road I just balled up and rolled and bounced down pavement into a ditch. It was like I had trained for this event. I got up and was fine. Just a little pissed and shook up.

4. Five years ago one of my good friends got married in Miami. The night before he got married me and all his best men went out for drinks on south beach. We hit every bar, we only drank the best Tequila that his daddy's credit card could buy. It was fun until I blindly walked right into the path of a car going about 60 mph. luckily I was pulled away just in time for only my flip flops to get ran over. I have to say this was the scariest out of all these near death experiences.

5. A long time ago, and once upon a time, some friends and I heard of a Rainbow Gathering that was taking place somewhere in Kentucky and decided we would check it out. After driving for 18 hours lost in the woods we finally found the starting point of the trail which was a 10 mile hike to the gathering. On our way down we were warned by some Hippies of the gravel road we would have to walk down that was covered in rattle snakes. By this point we had already gone half way so I convinced everyone to keep going and thought it couldn't be that bad. Well by the time we reached the gravel road it was dark and it was lined with rattlers. One the guys I was with was a big burly guy and he started crying and shaking. So we all got in a single formed line and held on or hugged onto each other while my boyfriend who was pushed to the front of the line laughed nervously as we all kept our eyes closed and whimpered. We tip toed about 200 yards down the road and heard their rattlers the whole way. I would consider that knocking on heavens door.

6. I used to live Los Angeles, and I loved it. But I hated the traffic. The first week I moved there I decided I should probably get insurance on my car. Realizing it wasn't smart that I drove across America with no insurance and even more stupid to be living in L.A. without insurance. You see where this is going? I pull out of my garage and turn my blinker on to make a right turn onto Van Nuys. I look both ways and see that I got it. All of a sudden I'm in mid turn and my friend Adam Yells, "Oh Shit" and then I just remember the sound and force of a car t-boning my side of the car. I looked over at my boyfriend and it was all in slow motion he starts getting out of the car trying to get my door open. Luckily my apartment building was right in front of Sherman Oaks hospital because a Doctor saw the whole crash and helped me out of the passengers side of the car. I kept telling everyone I was alright but by the way the car looked (the guy was going 65mph through a red light) there was no way I was OK. I laid down on the sidewalk because everyone was telling me to do so. That's when I got scared. Maybe I was really hurt, but the shock and adrenaline from the crash made me believe I was fine. I just remembered laying on the warm concrete looking up at the blue sky and seeing one tiny wispy cloud, and thinking If I die, this is going to be the last thing I see. I started feeling dizzy just in time for paramedics to walk me across the street to the hospital. After a number of tests they sent me to large room with several beds that where all divided by white curtains. After putting my clothes on I hopped on the edge of the bed and pulled the curtain open and waited for the doctor. There was no one else in the room. All I could think about was if the guy who hit me was ok. Shortly after, the guy who hit me walks in. He was a skinny, short, scared, Hispanic guy about my age. I was so happy he wasn't dead. His nice sports car was smashed up like a soda can. After seeing he was fine, The shear panic of not having insurance took over me. I knew it was his fault, but still I had no insurance, would this mean I would be at fault. I thought I was screwed. Alive but screwed. I smiled at him and asked if he was OK. He couldn't speak English. I felt really bad for him because come to find out he was more screwed than me. He was an Illegal alien driving someones car without insurance. We knew we were both screwed. I bought him a Coke and a pack of cookies and we ate cookies cut our losses and then went our separate ways, Alive with a few mild concussions.