These Are A Few Of My Not So Favorite Things...

1. Rodents... mice, hamsters, gerbils, guinea pigs.They freak me out. As a child my mother thought she could help me get over my fear of rodents by purchasing a hamster and a cage and putting it in my room(Needless to say it didn't work). His name was Harry, and he lived 3 years. Now three years is along time to share a room with a hamster that you couldn't even look at. I never played with him, I left that up to my parents. Any time I would go to my room I would throw a sheet over his cage. Poor Harry.

2. Mayonnaise, Miracle Whip, or any other condiment that contains the mixture off egg whites, vinegar, and oil. No Thank You.

3. Stockard Channing.

4. Nosey people.

5. Conservative Evangelicals with their Hyper-Faith.

6. Most, if not all sitcoms from the 70's.

7. Minutemen. Not the band, but the neighborhood watch group along our borders.

8. Glenn Beck.

9. Rush Limbaugh.

10. Torture.

11. The middle of the states.

If I were to make a mix tape today, these would be the songs I would be a mixin'.

1. Gauge Away-Pixies
2. Sometime Around Midnight- The Airborne Toxic Event
3. All My Loving- The Beatles
4. Good Friend Yr Hunger- Castanets
5. Moi Je Joue- Brigitte Bardot
6. First Breath After Coma- Explosions In The Sky
7. 5 Years Time- Noah and The Whale
8. Messenger- Blonde Redhead featuring David Sylvian

9. Oxford Comma- Vampire Weekend
10. Electric Renaissance- Belle and Sebastian

Happy Belated Earth Day

There's a swirl of garbage in the middle of the Pacific twice the size of Texas, and 90ft. deep. It consist mainly of plastics such as tooth brushes, grocery bags... Basically you name it and it's floating out there.

Sorry for my absence

Take note, never purchase anything off Craigslist. Last month I was abducted while purchasing designer jeans from a man named Lee. Not as in Lee Smith or even Lee Sternberg, but as in Lee Wong. I was to meet him at his house to make the purchase. Never meet at the sellers house. Always meet in large crowded places, and if you happen to decide to meet at their house never graciously accept a cup of Song Luo tea, because you will wake up in a sweatshop as a slave in Chengdu, China making jeans next to a 12 year old girl who doesn't speak your language and wont even look at you.
Survival mode stepped in, and as I shared a sweat stained cot every night for a month with a girl named Hao I learned how to write SOS letters in 4 different languages. For almost a month, every night when I went to cot I wrote four letters, and every morning when I went to labor I snuck the letters into 4 separate pairs of jeans. Size 7, size 9, size 12, and one plus size, size 18. Luckily a Canadian transsexual named Luscious found my letter, and thanks to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police I was freed.
And that is why it's been so long since my last posting.

6 Reasons Why Quentin Tarantino is The Best

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2.

3.

4.

5.

6.
Oh, I can't wait!

Ahh...Midgets

DISCLAIMER:

Dear Reader,
In no way does me using the word midget mean that I'm making fun of the little people. So don't be offended. If I were a little person I would much rather be called a midget rather than a dwarf. Dwarf is insulting. It's very Disney. You know what I'm saying?

Sincerely, Christina

If Ray from In Bruges was a real person, and he could have been witness to what I saw over St. Patrick's day weekend, and on St. Patty's day he would have shit himself with joy. I was sitting at a bar waiting for my friend's band to play when 2 midgets walked in. Now in these situations I always get nervous. I never want to look at them because I'm always afraid that they are going to think I'm laughing or making fun of them, but if I look like I'm obviously trying not to look then maybe they would be offended. So I just look around to see how other people are reacting. Oh but I want to look, because they are such a rare sight to behold. I actually sat beside a midget at at a part-time job as a telemarketer for FUN TIME TOURS back when I was in college. He sat on the right of me and an Indian woman in a sari with a tilak on her forehead set on the left of me. It was a strange place to work. A motley crew of employees. That job only lasted a month... Back to my St. Patrick's day weekend.

So, these 2 midgets walk into a bar. The man was dressed like a leprechaun, and his woman was not. So I felt this was a free pass to stare. I mean a midget dressed as a leprechaun wants you to look, right? well, during my friends show they hopped on stage as if to say, "LOOK AT ME!" and then they just stood there making grimacing faces as if to say look at us you fucking assholes, you fucking tall people. No one from the band knew who they were.
Tuesday rolls around(St. Patty's day) and The Von Bondies and Silversun Pickups were playing a free show in K.C. I decided to go. Among the sea of Green and drunken white people I spot more midgets and they too were dressed as Leprechauns. Oh god! why do they do this? Should I feel bad for them? Do they like to do this, or is it a sorta "tears of a clown" kinda thing?

One of the Best On-Screen Kisses (one of the worst movies)

For Your Listening Pleasure

The Adore...

Paolo Conte, and songs sung in Italian. Is there anything better? I heard this Italian song tonight after drinking 2 grande Margarita's in an authentic Mexican cantina. I had heard this song many years ago but forgot the goodness. So, for your listening pleasure I present Via con me, sung by the great Paolo Conte.

Myspace and Facebook and Twitter! Oh My!

The other night I was suffering from another nasty case of insomnia, so I decided to get online and check my electronic-mail, and there it was, an invitation from my friend Davina to join Twitter. Wow, another form of sending out a mass texts/status. Is this the only way we communicate with people now?
Out of all the personal networking sites I'm still a loyalist to Myspace. Facebook bothers me in the sense that everyone on there collects friends like baseball cards. I mean do you really have 153 friends in real life? Not me.
I guess I'll give Twitter a whirl.
Who am I kidding. I'll invite some friends to join me on Twitter. Send out some tweets, and then never return.

Viva Mexico

Something happened to me after I had my kids. I never got sick. 3 years and not even a cold. It's become a mind over matter sort of thing I guess. When my kid's get sick I just tell myself I can't. And I don't. Well guess what? I'm sick. It finally got me, and it's kicking my ass. I hate going to the doctor. I usually self diagnose my ailment via Internet and thanks to my friend Jeff I have drugs to cure my self- diagnosed sinus infection/Strepococcal pharyngitis. I've got 3 bottles of 100 count Mexican amoxicillin. Every year Jeff goes to Mexico and always says, "I'll bring you something back." And every year he brings me Antibiotics. No, never does he bring me back real Mexican tequila in a worm shaped bottle with a dead worm in the bottle. I get drugs. Well, now they are coming in handy. I'm still a leery about how well drugs from Mexico are regulated. I mean who knows I could be taking capsules filled with baby powder. Anyway...I'll go to bed now.

Dark Was The Night

Recently I downloaded Dark Was The Night. It's so good. All my favorite artists covering early American songs to help raise funds and AIDS awareness. My favorite song so far is Feist and Ben Gibbard's cover of "Train Song".


Sometimes you will hear people say that everything that happens bad in the world is because god's punishing people for their wicked ways, e.g. Katrina, tsunamis, AIDS, Barbara Streisand...Well thank you God for creating AIDS, because now we have this bitchin' Album.

I can't believe I just wrote that. It sounded funny in my head, but in actual words I'm sure It will offend.

This Morning's Random Thoughts

1. Oh yes... waking up to NPR news is the best. Their voices are so soothing. Even when they are talking devastation and despair.
2. Why can't I go to bed earlier than 1:30 a.m.
3. The Oscar's were just about perfect last night, except for that little bit with Beyonce. Why do they have to drag her out for everything.
4. How come you never hear about people exploring the south pole as much as you hear about exploration of the Arctic. Is the Antarctic just that much more brutal?
5. I'm going to start posting on here everyday. Even if I can't think of anything to post but a grocery list.
6. Why are my fingertips numb and tingly? I'm pretty sure I'm having a stroke.

Tonight I Predict...

Mickey Rourke will win best actor for "The Wrestler"
Heath Ledger will win best actor in a supporting role for "The Dark Knight"
Kate Winslet will win best actress for "The Reader"
Taraji P. Henson will win best actress in supporting role for "The Curios Case of Benjamin Button"
"Wall-E" will win best animated feature film
"The Dark Knight" will win best art direction
"The Duchess" will win best costume design
"Slumdog Millionaire" will win best cinematography
"Slumdog Millionaire" will win best in directing
"Man on Wire" will win best documentary
"The Case of Benjamin Button" will win best in film editing
"The Class" will win best foreign language
"The Dark Knight" will win best in makeup
"Slumdog Millionaire" will win original score
"Slumdog Millionaire" will win original song
"The Curios Case of Benjamin Button" will win best motion picture of the year
"Wall-E" will win best in sound editing
"Lavatory-Lovestory" will win best animated short
"The Dark Knight" will win best in sound sound mixing
"The Curious Case of Benny" will win best in visual effects
"The Reader" will win best adapted screenplay
"Milk" will win best original screenplay

I also predict that I will once again not find Comit Lulin through my telescope tonight. I guess I'll wait until the 24th when it's supposed to visible to the naked eye.

Only The Good Die Young

Here lies my list of TV's greatest that got shot down in their prime. May you rest in peace.

1. The Adventures of Pete & Pete- I was probably too old to be watching this show when it aired, but I really didn't care. I loved, and still love Pete and Pete. It was so creative and the best of the best would make appearances on the show such as, Iggy Pop, Patty Hearst, Steve Bushemi, Debbie Harry, Kate Pierson, Syd Straw, Micheal Stipe, Chris Elliot, Adam West. And did I mention it had the best opening song, "Hey Sandy" by a great little short lived 90's band called Polaris. Now I own the Polaris album that has this song on it, and still to this day I have never really been able to decipher the words on "Hey Sandy".

This is what it sounds like he's saying (at least to me)

Your Smilin' strange
Your lookin' at the leafy range
I can't say you shoombae
Or have you picked your darkest net

Chorus:
It's in me
Don't you talk back, Hey Cindy
Hey Cindy, don't you talk back
Hey Cindy, don't you talk back
It's in me

This is what he's really saying,

Hey smilin' strange
You lookin' happily deranged
Can you settle to shoot me?
Or have you picked your target yet?

Chorus:
Hey Sandy
Don't you talk back, Hey Sandy
Hey Sandy, don't you talk back
Hey Sandy, Don't you talk back
Hey Sandy...

Farewell my little viking.

2. Arrested Development- What can I say about Arrested Development that has not already been said. It was one of the greatest shows ever produced on television, but sadly not enough people watched it. Good news though, there's talk of a movie. Yay!


3. Spaced- Lightning in bottle.


4. Freaks and Geeks
5. Get a Life
6. Andy Dick Show
7. Summer Heights High- This was the most recent show to be ripped away from me. It only lasted one season, but I almost think any more than that might have taken away from the goodness. So I would just like to pay my respects to Mr. G, Ja'mie King, and last but not least, Jonah Takalua. "Public School Rocks!"

Insane or Genius?

I guess you can't have genius without a little insanity.

Dream Jobs (seemingly unattainable)

1. Musical Director? Music Arranger?- I'm really not sure what the exact job title is, but I want a job picking the music for films and arranging them to the scenes. Music makes all the difference. Music determines if a films going to be great, good, or just plain bad. I mean I really dream about this job. I'll hear a song and I already see it in in a scene of a movie that doesn't exist. Which leads me to another dream job that I want, film writer/Director. I asked someone who worked in the film industry how would I go about trying to obtain a job like this(Musical Director) and they simply told me without any hesitation,"Dick sucking. Lot's of dick sucking."

2. Film writer/Director.

3. Novelist.

4.Ballet Dancer- Now I know that this will never happen. But remember, this is a list of dream jobs. My obsession for ballet started as a child. My class went on a field trip to see The Nutcracker. It changed my life. As soon as I got home I begged and begged my mom to let me take ballet lessons, but she would always say, "we'll see" which meant "No." So I went to the Library and checked out as many books that I could find on ballet and tried to teach myself. I didn't get very far. So yes, I would love the job of playing the character of Clara from The Nutcracker. Hey, A girl can dream, right?

5. Private Detective- I love solving mysteries.

6. Ghost Hunter- I never believed in ghosts until I lived in an upstairs apartment of an old Victorian mansion that was built in the late 1800's. It was so big, and the entire top floor was mine, and for only $325 a month. It was too good to be true. The very first night I lived there I woke up to what sounded like a young woman saying "Hey get up". The next day I felt very uneasy and nervous like someone was watching me. Never the less I didn't let the strange feeling override my the feeling of complete freedom from finally living alone. But no I was not alone. I actually had a room mate, the worst kind, a dead roommate. Bwahaa ha ha. On my second night while falling asleep I heard the same woman's voice say something inaudible. I open my eyes and I shit you not I see a white ball of light maybe the size of a basketball float across my room to the foot of my bed, and because I'm a flight not fight kinda person I jumped up to run, and as I jumped up the light zipped back into the hall. I just realized that this story could be little long winded so I'm going to shorten the details. Anytime I had a friend of the male variety over to hang out they would always feel someone poking them in the back. One time one of my friends came over and said that while he was walking down the long hall that led to the balcony he felt someone rubbing his lower back. A month goes and I finally see my landlord who lives downstairs and he asked how I liked my place. I said nervously I had some bizarre things happening. He said, "Oh, you've met her!" I say, "who?" And he said, "your roommate, Elizabeth. Sorry I didn't tell you about her. she's our house ghost but she mainly inhabits upstairs." He began telling me the story of her life. In 1890 a wealthy merchant man moved his family to Chattanooga and had the house built for him, his wife, and his twin daughters. In 1910 one of the daughters(Mary Elizabeth) hung herself from the top floor balcony from a jilted love. To make a long story short I only stayed 3 months. It got pretty bad. The last straw was one night my father came to visit. I never told him about the ghost. I guess I thought out of mind out of sight, the less I thought or talked about her the less she would make her presence noticed. My father and I were watching a movie in my living room when all of a sudden my friends guitar that they had left at my house started rocking back and forth. violently. My dad jumps up panicky turns the light on and yells "what was that?" It was then that it stopped rocking. I laughed, and told him that my house was haunted and nothing else was said on the matter. I ended up falling asleep on one of the couches and I guess while I was asleep, the shit went down with my dad. He told me what happened the next morning. He said that the room got very cold, and then he saw some gray black-ish mass in the corner of the room and he said he heard something start dragging down the hall. And then it stopped. That's when he saw her. He said she stood in the hallway right outside of the living room door. she was wearing a white period piece slip and had on tall black boots and she was holding a rope. He said she had long brown hair, brown eyes and bushy eyebrows and she just starred at him, but here's the crazy part, he said while she starred at him he knew exactly why she died and how. and that she was mad because she didn't want me to leave. What the fuck! He told me I had to move and 3 days later he and some of my friends were at my house packing up all my belongings. we all started feeling really sick and decided to leave for a while and come back and finish. Well, when we got back all the boxes in the kitchen were unpacked and there was a pile of boxes blocking the doorway to rest of the apartment. There's a lot more to this story but I will leave it at this. It's easier for me to tell this story rather than write about it. It sounds crazy I know, but I swear it's all true. After this I became interested on what makes people stick around after they die.

7. A photographer for National Geographic.

8. Archaeologist.

Analyze This

My dream last night went something like this... I walk up to a what appears to be a shop in some depressing run down empty strip mall. I open the door and there's a fold out table in the middle of a small room with 3 people sitting, looking as if they were happy to see me. The room was decorated like a dentist office on a budget. Grey office carpet with stains that could only be from nerve induced vomit or blood stains from some old man whose blood filled gauze dripped from the receptionist desk to the front door, some bad framed posters of hot air balloons, and a dusty fake plastic ficus tree. You get the picture. I go and sit down next to this stranger and she says,"OK guys are you ready?" And then all of sudden the room shoots into space and we're all laughing and screaming with joy. Next thing I know there's no gravity and we're all floating around in space on our metal folding chairs. Then all of sudden we are back in the office sitting around the table. We all get up and say we'll meet again next week. The next week I go back all excited and no one is there. I get depressed and start walking around a city and find a empty bar. I go in and sit down at a table and start dyeing Easter eggs. Cuckoo Cuckoo!
There, you have my fucked up dream. I would give anything to have it again. Have you ever been to outer space? I have. It was amazing.

Curiouser and Curiouser.

Shalom!

I would love to know why it is that who I am sexually attracted to in real life is not at all who my subconscious is attracted to in sleep. I mean I've lusted a few times over Clive Owen, Gael Garcia Bernal, James Mcavoy... but no, not in my sleep. My first sexual dream that I can remember was with Billy Crystal. That's right, I said Billy Crystal. He was wearing a red plaid flannel shirt tucked tightly into his snug stonewashed jeans. I walked into this cabin looking house and there was taxidermy on the wall and a roaring fire and Billy Crystal standing in the middle of the room. And the dream went something like this, I jumped up into his arms wrapped my legs around his waist and we kissed passionately I mean it was a deep kiss, while he kept squeezing and running his hands allover my ass. Next thing I know I'm waking up having an orgasm. I was only 15 when I had this dream. I know! It's horrible!!! My next famous person sex dream was with Woody Allen. Basically the same thing, different scenario. Well last night I had another sex dream but this was with some no namer, just someone my brain made up while I slept unsuspecting. He was short, and he had dark eyes, black hair, and I'm pretty sure he was Jewish. And let me tell you it was a good dream. I think what my Subconscious is trying to tell me is that I am sexually attracted to short Jewish men. La'Chayim!

What took me so long?

Many years ago I would have turned my nose from listening to Ben folds. But last night I was browsing some photography blogs that I love, and I heard this song. I didn't know who it was I was listening to. So I searched the words on google, and I couldn't believe it, It was Ben Folds. It may be an old song but I have found a new respect for Ben folds, and he has I'm sure found a new fan. What has happened to me? It's so Beautiful, it's killing me.

Last night while I was digging around in my closet I noticed my mom's guitar tucked away in the blackness of the abyss I call my closet. I pulled it out and and tried to play but I couldn't, I haven't played a guitar in 12 years and even then I wouldn't have called it "playing", but more like learning. I think I have a learning disability when it comes to guitars and I think it's partly due to the fact that my pinkie and ring finger can't seem to work independently. Which leads me to the jealousy I feel for almost everyone in my family. Everyone can play at least one instrument with the exception of me and Josh(brother). My mother plays guitar, piano and sings. My dad plays drums. My grandpa plays mandolin, guitar, banjo, piano. He even cut a record back in the early 50's. My cousin Adam plays oboe, pipe organ, and piano. My other cousin Jess, she plays banjo and guitar. Every single one of them play by ear. Curses! I guess it just wasn't meant to be for me. But that wont keep from trying. The guitar is missing two strings, so tomorrow I'm going to find some, tune it, pick a song, learn it, and then post a video blog of me playing. Any requests?

Just Swell

Thought I would post one more today before I motor. I dare you to watch this video and feel melancholy. I think I've listened to this 5 times today.

Matt and Kim-Daylight

Moving Pictures

I need to get busy on my movie watching before the Oscars. I only have a little over 3 weeks to cram in all the nominated movies.(excluding short films and documentary short subjects.) Here's a list of 2008 movies that I've watched.

1. Be Kind Rewind. I love me some Michel Gondry.
2. Let the Right One In. If you haven't seen this, Stop what your doing and go watch.
3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. This movie was probably my favorite movie of 2008. It was like watching a 3 hour poem. Although I thought the CGI was a little rough. And why did they use a different actor when he became a child, they should of just used some of that CGI magic.
4.Slumdog Millionaire
5.Vicki Christina Barcelona. Oh Woody you never do me wrong except for that time you made that one film. What was it called? Oh yes, Curse of the Jade Scorpion. But we all can't be perfect all of the time.
6.Pineapple Express. This movie hands down has one the funniest endings of a movie that I've ever seen.
7.The Wrestler
8.Wanted
9.Ghost Town
10.The Dark Knight
11.Indiana Jones
12.W
13.Tropic Thunder
14.Forgetting Sarah Marshall
15.WALL-E
16.Kung Fu Panda
17.Bolt
18.Eagle Vs. Shark
19.Funny Games
20.The Orphanage
21.Step Brothers
22.Foot Fist Way
23.Horton Hears a Who

so how am I going to watch all the remaining movies that are up for nomination. I still have to watch...
1.Frost/Nixson
2.Rachel Getting married.(downloading)
3.The Reader.(downloading)
4.Doubt.
5.Milk. I'm mad at myself for not seeing this already.
6.Revolutionary road.(downloading)
7.Changeling.
8.The Visitor.
9.The Duchess.
10.Australia. I don't think I can really do this film.
11.Iron Man.
12.Frozen River.
13.Bruges.
14. Gran Torino. Actually I'm not sure if this ones even up for anything.

This will be a challenge. There are however a couple other films from 2008 that aren't up for nomination that I want to see.
1. Nick and Norah's infinite Playlist.
2. Zach and Miri Make a Porno.
3. Choke.
4. Paranoid Park.
5. The Love Guru. I kid.

I had a dream once.

But it just got me in a lot of trouble. It was my freshman year of high school. I was waiting outside of my parents house for my boyfriend to pick me up for school. I was stressed out about getting another tardy since I seemed to accumulated a lot of them after I met Mike and he became my form of transportation instead of the ol' faithful school bus. Finally I heard the busted muffler coming around the corner. I get into his beat up Nissan 300zx. He pops in a cassette tape of John Lennon's Imagine and informs me we are going to celebrate MLK day the right way. He had a copy of the I have a dream speech, and told me we were going to make 200 copies of the speech and go to the whitest parts of town and drop the speech into peoples mail boxes hoping that they would read his speech and surly if they even had one racist bone in there body it magically disappear. This is what we did. We were sure that it would make a difference. Maybe it did. We skipped the whole day of school and when I got home I was grounded. Me telling my parents that I had dream did not get me out of this one.

A man once said...

Hail Satan?

That's it! I'm changing my blog name. It has come to my attention on more than one occasion that the title of my blog reads a little too churchy. Truth is I am not very good with titles, and Listina's CHRists sounded better than Christina's Lists. What do I know, like I said I suck at the whole title thing. So, if anyone has any suggestions feel free to share. I was thinking maybe, Word Of Life.

Thought I should write one last post before the new year. Wow! 34 posts in one year. Is that some kind of record? I guess I should make it my new years resolution to post more on here, along with get my house sold, get in shape, Find a job in Tennessee after getting my house sold, and cut back on my consumption of wine now that the holidays are over. Speaking of holidays, here's a list of some of the loot I received this year.
1.A camera and an unbelievably warm coat to wear while taking pictures of the miserably cold weather the Midwest has to offer. Reason #751 why I'm moving back to the south. 2. I've been wanting this book for along time. So much so that I got a copy from 2 different people. The book contains some real photos of real people in 1950's America taken by Swedish photographer Robert Frank. Introduction written by none other than Jack Kerouac. I mean who better to introduce a book on photographs of Americans. I was pleasantly surprised to see a picture taken in Chattanooga (my home town). Such good stuff. 3. this great reprodtion of a 1930's phone. It's ring if even for second makes you feel like your getting a phone call from the past.


4. Walle loves Eve-ah! I loved this movie, and I love these toys. They enteract with each other. Makes you believe in love at first sight.

5. Rock Band 2. Good fun. I tried it live and the only person I could find to play with was a 7 year old indian boy. I destroyed him. Rock On!

Oh say can you see?

Things I saw last weekend.

A strange parade in my town.
I'm really not sure what this float is representing. Dog food? Elvis? Rocking chair? That tire mascot? Dear god what is this?


This "float" is helping us keep the spirit of John Wayne Gacy alive.


Nazi Youth.


You can't have a parade without break dancing.


And then there was this guy.



A carnival in my town.


Obama's speech in Kansas City that I didn't hear or see. But I did see...

The "special" people. And by special I mean not very smart. And by not very smart I mean low IQ. And by low IQ I mean crazy christian conservative republicans.


A sea of people standing underneath a phalic shaped monument to WWI.


Anna and Elliot hugging.



Went to a farm to pick pumpkins and apples and instead we found...







Last but not least here is a photo of a weird cake I won in a forced cake walk. It had grave yard stlye roses stuck into the top with little water containers stuck at the end of each rose and a pink balloon attached.

A Mona Lisa's Smile

and Tracy says,"you have to have a little faith in people." That one little line of dialogue says it all. And you get this smile. This perfect smile.