Take note, never purchase anything off Craigslist. Last month I was abducted while purchasing designer jeans from a man named Lee. Not as in Lee Smith or even Lee Sternberg, but as in Lee Wong. I was to meet him at his house to make the purchase. Never meet at the sellers house. Always meet in large crowded places, and if you happen to decide to meet at their house never graciously accept a cup of Song Luo tea, because you will wake up in a sweatshop as a slave in Chengdu, China making jeans next to a 12 year old girl who doesn't speak your language and wont even look at you.
Survival mode stepped in, and as I shared a sweat stained cot every night for a month with a girl named Hao I learned how to write SOS letters in 4 different languages. For almost a month, every night when I went to cot I wrote four letters, and every morning when I went to labor I snuck the letters into 4 separate pairs of jeans. Size 7, size 9, size 12, and one plus size, size 18. Luckily a Canadian transsexual named Luscious found my letter, and thanks to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police I was freed.
And that is why it's been so long since my last posting.
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